Be Thou My Vision

The Baby was teething- or something else was terribly wrong. She cried, played for a mere couple minutes at a time, then wanted mama again. It was tiring and frustrating and mood-destroying all in one unwanted package. The three-year old got jealous of mom’s attention on the baby, so she acted up for attention. The more she acted up, the more frustrated I became.

It is times like these when I realize how important it is to reach out for help. Some things are not meant for us to carry alone even if the primary responsibility is our own. I read a comment once that stuck with me, “ I want my children to have a mama that is doing well. Even if that means going to the park for half an hour and buying a chicken supper that is okay.” I tend to agree. We carry guilt around for the times we believe we are “being lazy” but when “being lazy” means that you are supporting your own mental health, then go ahead and be lazy!

Thank God for a grandma who took the three-year old and gave me a much needed break; for the friend who listened to my tale of woe; for the mom who sent her daughter to lend a hand around the house….or the neighbour mom who let her children play with mine to occupy and fill their minds with healthy play instead of competing for mom! Their noteworthy manners and politeness will surely rub off on my own children.

Thank God for a church family who set up a Wednesday evening topic of missions in New York. As I listened to the stories of heartbreak, and loss, and tireless work, I was struck with a thought…I have my own New York! I AM a missionary raising up other little missionaries. A fire rose up inside of me to do this job well. May I have the patience, the wisdom, the love, and so much more that is needed for such a job as this! And may our own children have testimonies like the young man who left the comforts of home for fourteen months to live like Jesus. That may not be their story, but may they live like Jesus wherever they are. May I live like Jesus so that they may see and understand. God help me!

As we stood to sing our parting song, I realized that once again, God had given me the inspiration I had been praying for. He had filled me and given me strength, and helped me to see the greater perspective instead of dwelling on the circumstances. In the grand scheme of things, even as I was lifted up and carried along by caring friends, He was the greatest supporter of all! My heart was full as the words of the song poured over me:

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art,

Thou my best thought, by day or by night

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord,

Thou my great Father, and I Thy true son

Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor vain, empty praise

Thou mine inheritance, now and always,

Thou and Thou only first in my heart

High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art!

High King of heaven, my victory won

May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's sun

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall

Still be my vision, O ruler of all!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall

Still be my vision, O ruler of all! (end of song)

I will still buy chicken meals and cut corners and take all the breaks I need too, but I pray that in the thick of things that I will always see the greater purpose behind everything I do…to rock my babies, to love and to nurture them and to be able to laugh at the chaos!